wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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