I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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