Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
