I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
