it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
