I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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