you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
