I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found puke in my bra..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
