My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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