Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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