Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
