I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
