Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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