Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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