we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
