Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
