I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
