I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
