If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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