I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
