i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
