The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
