I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
