honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
