These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
