I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
