I just pynch a tree in the face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
