I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
