So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
