Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
