theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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