Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
pray to the hookup gods
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
