You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
