Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
