If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
