the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
