Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
