I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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