Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
