I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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