Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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