Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
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