i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
