btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
