I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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