Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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