I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
