Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
