I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
