the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
