Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
