you have to choose: penises or morals?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
